okay...ive had it...i cant live like this anymore..
for the past 4 or so days ive been living off a diet of..oh..700 calories a day...that takes effort to be honest as thats less then most take in during a snack.. to be fair this isnt new, ive been doing it off and on for a while now, which is what has lead to me being down in the 120s for my weight...

i am done. period, i am sick of this...i know ive said it before, but...*sigh* i give up...this doesnt make me happy, nobody else cares one way or another, in fact, besides kitty and birdy have been paying attention at all, and even if not, i know both of them, are sick of hearing me bitch about it. And im not going to kill my self with it, kitty has assured me of that...so i am..done.

If eating is the only thing in life that brings me any joy, so be it, from now on im eating what i want, when i want. If i binge, i binge, if i get fat, i get fat, if i get sick of life and blow my brains out, then i do that too, but i cant take any more of this self induced missery thats done nothing but isolate me from my friends and make my family hate me...

and god only knows what this has done to my beloved baby sister, god i hope i havent hurt her with all this stupidity..the main reason for my recent starvation is because i realized i was just as much a jerk to her when i ate as i was when i starved, so when i starved atleast i didnt have the energy to boss her around...

but yeah, no good has come of this endless self denial, its brought me nothing but a new form of self loathing to replace the other forms ive been fostering for most of my life..

so, yeah, whatever..later

EDIT: sorry if that lacked...somthing...dad was screaming about somthing and i had to run before i could edit it...anyway, even if i do find i lack the strength to stop this stupid shit, the least i can do is keep it on the download and not complain about something im doing to my self...say, anybody know what we are doing for annes birthday?